*THE MYOPIC ACT*

Not many people get second chances so why me?

“Really man....acting is not my thing !”

If you knew about the time I did make an attempt to act, you’d bet on millions that I wouldn’t agree to act again ....but heaven of heavens I DID!

When I was in eighth, we did a skit. When I say ‘we’ I mean the teacher and her favorite student pals. Ordinary people like me who were just too ordinary , stayed back, looking on with guppy eyes for a role. My role lasted half a second , but to me it was the world...

Reader, if you’re still wondering what it is ........let me just tell you, that until that day I was invisible in my school .. but from that day on, I wished I were invisible ...Well maybe it wasn’t that bad.. apart from the fact that I forgot my half-second dialogue... could actually hear the ‘thud thud’ of my heart.. and all on a sudden .. just wanted to sit on a TOILET!...

Ah well .. that was long ago .. things are different now .. yeah...RIGHT!

From the moment I agreed to my friend , I could actually picture the whole thing happening again, as if in rewind.

I had never heard of Girish Karnad or as a matter of fact his play ‘Hayavadana’. But yeah.. it was interesting. I had never put in so much thought into what I read.. But with this play, it was a philosophical journey.. The play was an allegory of the warring impulses of the mind and the body.. Don’t get the wrong idea .. I got back to earth pretty soon. They said I couldn’t just sit thinking but had to act right away..here comes the tough part..GOD HELP ME..

So there I was, poor poor meek ME, donning the role of the all powerful Bhaghawata, the narrator, the action controller.. the by all and end all of the play. So how on earth did I manage? ..Believe me when I say this .. if you got a major problem of stage fright and are short sighted (not just simply short-sighted ,but short-sighted enough that whenever you’re in the vicinity , your dear friends yap, ‘ Hey here comes ‘ soda glass’!!).. then mate, let me tell you that you are blessed in disguise. When I removed my sodaglasses...er .. spectacles on stage..Voila! I couldn’t see a thing (DUH!) ...and seeing nothing enabled me to be stop being self -conscious.. .. things were different now, because I was no longer afraid...and was actually enjoying the moment...What a pleasure it was to hear them all applaud and find my sweat sweet.

‘Hope’ my friends, ‘hope’ and you’ll get a success formula.....stupid it may be .. you never know.. it might as well work ...

A,b,c or d

“Have you gone for coaching classes ?

“No.”

Three hours later...

“So how was it?”

“Not bad”

“Really!’ 

The Kerala Entrance Exam was my first attempt at a competitive exam.Well I wouldn’t call it a bad experience...it was the WORST !

I had not studied a word for the exam.But I would not call that a crime.Even if it was a crime,then I gotta say ,I had committed it a long time back...way back to my L.K.G. when I was a regular ‘F’ grade getter.No,I do not have a robot’s memory to remember all this... but I do have a dear mother who treasures priceless childhood stuff ( like all mothers) which includes (unfortunately!) report cards!...And I also have (unfortunately!) a dear brother who makes it a point (like all brothers) to remind me about it.And so, for the exam ..I just darkened some circles.

Yes it was sure tough, but if I told that to the guy next to me ,he'd only think I had made a 'few' mistakes. You see,that's the problem with looking like a nerd - anybody would think I had read the entire volume of Brittanica Encyclopedia. Sigh! It's hereditary and because I want to uphold this nerdy tradition words like 'not bad' really come in handy.

So what else did I do besides swatting flies?? I went into a deep.. looong sleep:

I was on soft cushiony cloud floating...la..la..la..hey! there goes my brother!

"Hey bro! What are you doing here?"

"Shut up Stupid!"

"umm..ok."

la..la..la.."Hey Mummy ,Pappa..you too Uncle!"

la...la..la..hmm.. Why does my face feel wet ??

GOODNESS GRACIOUS ! I got up with a start. No,the examiner didn't pour a bucket over me, I actually..YUCK! slept over my own pool of saliva. Did the guy see it ? THE HECK I CARE!!

And so when got out of the hall, I saw thousands of parents waiting with hope for their children , and amidst them my Uncle. He had taken two days off from work.. for something I was cent percent sure I wasn't going to get through.

"How was it ?"

"Not bad"

I could feel the ball of guilt in my throat. I took an oath that day-" I shall never write a competitive exam. 

Of course it didn't last long. If all promises were kept ,the world would have been an honest place to live. I'm still at the game. It looks like it'll go on unto infinity...from bank tests to PSC's right down to anything I can mark as "a","b","c" or "d".

LONG LIVE COMPETITIVE EXAMS!!!